luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
|
Post by luther on Jul 8, 2006 16:29:48 GMT
Tee hee , sometimes the little ones are thje bestest ones , glad ya results were good hon . xxx ;D
|
|
|
Post by geese on Jul 12, 2006 14:52:57 GMT
Police are investigating the mysterious death of UK pop singer Sophie Ellis Bextor this morning after she was found dead in the hotel room of a French footballer travelling with their World Cup national squad.
Early forensics appear to show that the cause of death of the pint-sized diva may have been a head-butt inflicting massive and fatal injuries to the abdomen.
No official comment has yet been made on the incident, but police sources have been rumoured to believe that the case involves "Murder On Zidane's Floor"...
|
|
|
Post by Trigger on Jul 12, 2006 16:42:47 GMT
Police are investigating the mysterious death of UK pop singer Sophie Ellis Bextor this morning after she was found dead in the hotel room of a French footballer travelling with their World Cup national squad. Early forensics appear to show that the cause of death of the pint-sized diva may have been a head-butt inflicting massive and fatal injuries to the abdomen. No official comment has yet been made on the incident, but police sources have been rumoured to believe that the case involves "Murder On Zidane's Floor"... Can't believe you posted a joke as shit as that.
|
|
|
Post by pinkfloydrule on Jul 12, 2006 17:01:31 GMT
haha yeh thats terrible
|
|
dirge
Full Member
Eagleheart
Posts: 238
|
Post by dirge on Jul 12, 2006 17:36:54 GMT
Subject: Moral Test
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
You are in Florida, Miamito be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.
This is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos.
There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.
Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury. Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.
You move closer, somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.
It's Cristiano Ronaldo!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to pull him under.
You have two options--you can save the life of Cristiano Ronaldo or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the football world's most exiting player's.
So here's the question, and please give an honest answer :
Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
|
|
luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
|
Post by luther on Jul 12, 2006 23:17:32 GMT
Black n white dude , I does all ma pics in black n white ! ;D
|
|
luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
|
Post by luther on Jul 12, 2006 23:23:04 GMT
Ronaldo went to the doctors . " Doctor , every time I pass a mirror, I get aroused ! !" " I am not suprised , " replied the doctor , " Your a cunt ! " xxx
|
|
|
Post by Elle on Jul 13, 2006 9:26:18 GMT
A bit of a long one here: -
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."
Some short ones: -
Q. What's the difference between Jesus and a painting? A. It takes only one nail to hang a painting.
Q. What did the Roman soldiers say to Christ as they were nailing him to the cross? A. Cross your legs we only have one nail left"
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. When is a car not a car? A. When it turns into a garage.
Q. What did the carpet say to the floor? A. "You go ahead I'll cover you"
Q. Why did the little boy put lipstick on his head? A. He wanted to make up his mind!
This one i just laughed my head off at because it is sooo sad: -
Q. What kind of ship never sinks? A. Friendship!
Ha ha ha, i can imagine some little sad children like Rod and Tod saying it.
|
|
luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
|
Post by luther on Jul 13, 2006 12:03:23 GMT
HA HA HA HA , thats such a wickid joke hon . Nice one
|
|
luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
|
Post by luther on Jul 13, 2006 12:07:41 GMT
This is an oldie but a goodie - A bloke asks his wife , " I want kinky sex , can I cum in your ear ? " She replies , " NO , I might go deaf " . He replies , " well Ive been cumin in your mouth for 20 years and your still fucking talking !" ;D xxx
|
|
|
Post by Elle on Jul 16, 2006 19:35:48 GMT
tut tut, lol. Here's two for you guys: -
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east." The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degres west." Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!" "I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir." Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!" There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."
A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead. "Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor. "Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!" At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead. "Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?" "Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse. Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?" "OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.
|
|
|
Post by blackrainbow on Jul 16, 2006 20:04:57 GMT
A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead. "Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor. "Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!" At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead. "Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?" "Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse. Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?" "OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse. Hahaha, terrible.
|
|
luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
|
Post by luther on Jul 17, 2006 10:00:17 GMT
Ha ha yeah they are kinda gettin worse by the minit aint they . x ;D
|
|
|
Post by jerryfieldmouse on Aug 25, 2006 12:10:51 GMT
A swansea dustman calls on a Japanese man. 'Where's ew bin?' he asks 'I bin in house,' replies the oriental gentleman. 'No, where's ew dustbin?' 'I dustbin in bathroom,' replies the yellow-skinned chap. 'No, where's ew wheelie bin?' 'Ok,' replies the sushi-loving fellow, 'I wheelie bin having a wank.'
|
|
luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
|
Post by luther on Sept 13, 2006 23:39:31 GMT
;D Ha ha , fuckin ell , I aint been on ear for yonks . All of Steve Irwins suntan products have been taken off supermarket shelves because they DO NOT PROTECT against harmfull rays ! - News Flash , Australian wild life expert , Steve Irwin dies after sting ray attack . Police say they are looking for five wooden puppets in a plastic submarine ! BOOM BOOM ................... "And now - Elton John goes to a tatoo shop , " I want a tatoo of a Rolls Royce on my cock ? " , " Better make it a Land Rover ! " replies the tatooist , " The amount of shit it goes through ! " .
|
|