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Post by jockrock on Jul 5, 2006 23:49:32 GMT
what do you put on a long prick?-a long condom-what do you put on a short prick-a short condom-what do you put on a thick prick? an england rugby shirt
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Post by jockrock on Jul 5, 2006 23:52:11 GMT
saddam has been sentenced to death -he is to be shot-last request pick his own firing squad-he picked Lampard,Gerrard and Carragher
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 6, 2006 0:12:04 GMT
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA .... Two jocks bet a quid who can stay under the water the longest . They both drowned !
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 6, 2006 0:13:50 GMT
How did the grand canyon come about ? A Scott lost a sixpence !
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Post by jockrock on Jul 6, 2006 0:28:44 GMT
english tank has 7 gears 6 reverse and 1 forward in case they are being chased from behind-difference between an englishman and a bit of toast? you can make soldiers from toast
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 6, 2006 15:07:49 GMT
Says the Scottish Dj living in Wales !
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Post by geese on Jul 6, 2006 15:20:14 GMT
whats that got to do with anything?
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 6, 2006 15:38:16 GMT
It was him who started the ol culture rants mate so ask him !
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Post by theoneandonlyfish on Jul 6, 2006 17:34:03 GMT
but your the saes one here!!!!!
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Post by jockrock on Jul 7, 2006 0:40:33 GMT
thanks fish youmad fkr tight SCOTS jokes well here are my favs. why is a 50 p shaped like that? so youcan get them out of a scotsman s hand with a spanner) guy walks into a bar orders a pint of bitter barman says "3p please" 3p?we are celebrating our 60th birthday drink the price on the opening day asks the scotsman at the end of the bar do u want a drink? ok son i'm waiting for happy hour!!!!!!!
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dirge
Full Member
Eagleheart
Posts: 238
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Post by dirge on Jul 7, 2006 12:02:25 GMT
Beauty!!!
Out on her royal yacht the queen was enjoying the sea air when she spied a man in the water off the port bow - clearly being menaced by a very large shark. Through her binoculars she could see it was Christian Ronaldo, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!
The queen ordered the captain to change course to try and save the poor man, but she knew the yachts top speed would never get them there in time.
At that exact moment a speedboat containing three men wearing white tops, with three lions, sped into view. One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly.
The other two reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling ...... It was the Queen calling them to the yacht.
On reaching yacht the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I'll give you a knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England team would hate Ronaldo after the world cup. But I see that the England team are true heroes and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other countries."
She knighted them and sailed away.
As she departed Rooney asked the others, "Who was that?!"
"That," Beckham answered, "was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth and knows everything about our country."
"Well," Rooney replied, "she knows F all about shark fishing. How's the bait holding up ?"
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 7, 2006 14:55:56 GMT
Ha ha , wickid one .... OK - Two English tourists were driving through Wales . At Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybaarcudprindanfygy , they stopped for lunch and asked the waitress , " before we order could you please settle an argument for us , and pronounce where we are ..... very slowly ? The waitress leaned over and said - " Burrr - gurrr - king ! ;D
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 7, 2006 15:05:42 GMT
Buss load of nuns die in a crash and go to Heaven . St Peter asks the first nun ' have you ever had contact with a penis ?' she says ' I touched one with my finger '. St Peter says ' dip it in holy water'. He askes the next nun ' I fondled one ' she says . ' Put your hand in holy water'. Suddenly they hear a commotion as a nun pushes her way to the front. St Peter asks ' whats the rush ?' ' Well if I'm going to gargle that holy water I want to do it before Sister Ann sticks her arse in it ! xxx
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Post by blackrainbow on Jul 8, 2006 11:49:24 GMT
Buss load of nuns die in a crash and go to Heaven . St Peter asks the first nun ' have you ever had contact with a penis ?' she says ' I touched one with my finger '. St Peter says ' dip it in holy water'. He askes the next nun ' I fondled one ' she says . ' Put your hand in holy water'. Suddenly they hear a commotion as a nun pushes her way to the front. St Peter asks ' whats the rush ?' ' Well if I'm going to gargle that holy water I want to do it before Sister Ann sticks her arse in it ! xxx Haha! Amazing.
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Post by Elle on Jul 8, 2006 12:29:52 GMT
Ha ha ha! Some of these are amazing.
My results were great thank you luther for asking.
Some kiddies jokes for you here: -
Q. What's brown and sticky? A. A stick.
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Q. How do you make a tissue dance? A. Put a little boogey in it!
Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? A. Dam!
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