luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jun 30, 2006 16:51:54 GMT
;D Can we have a jokes thred  ?? - In the queue at Tesco a busty blonde catches a blokes eye . He cant believe shes looking at him but she waves. He askes do i know you ? She says yes i think your the father of one of my children . He gulps , remembering his one and only act of infidelity then askes , are you that dirty stripper i shagged on the pool table on my stag doo while your mate whipped me and shoved a cucumber up my arse ? .... No , she replies , I'm your sons english teacher !  |
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Post by Elle on Jun 30, 2006 17:48:57 GMT
Yay you made thread specially for jokes, thats better!  Umm... Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A. A navel. Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later. Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve? A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam. Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash! Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A. "Is that you mommy?" The last one is my favourite! |
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 1, 2006 0:21:59 GMT
Ha ha now thats betta , those where very good , i like you already . ---- An old lady at a cash point in town asked me if i would check her balance for her , so i pushed the old bat over ! BOOM BOOM !!! XXX
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Post by theoneandonlyfish on Jul 1, 2006 9:18:42 GMT
ten pence, ten pence, fifty pence, a pound; ten pence, ten pence, fifty pence, a pound; ten pence, ten pence, fifty pence, a pound!!!!!!
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 1, 2006 12:58:35 GMT
Eh ? 3 SECOND MEMORY FISH ? |
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Post by Elle on Jul 2, 2006 15:08:08 GMT
ten pence, ten pence, fifty pence, a pound; ten pence, ten pence, fifty pence, a pound; ten pence, ten pence, fifty pence, a pound!!!!!! No one tells that joke like you fish! If any of these describe you, you're a redneck! You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures. You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. Your family tree doesn't fork. Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan. Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event. You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill. More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general. Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed. You've ever used lard in bed. |
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 2, 2006 16:01:25 GMT
Elle that realy got me laughing out loud , although i myself have been meaning to get one of those bug zappers ! 
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Post by theoneandonlyfish on Jul 3, 2006 17:56:45 GMT
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve. i dont even no what any of those things are |
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dirge
Full Member
Eagleheart
Posts: 238
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Post by dirge on Jul 3, 2006 18:49:55 GMT
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"Straight up, no bull!"
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Post by Elle on Jul 4, 2006 8:44:47 GMT
Lol, i like that one.
1-
Dad: Son what is the difference a penis and a loaf of bread?
Son: I don't know.
Dad: Then remind me to never send you to the store for a loaf of bread.
2-
Learn to speak Chinese: -
Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high - No Bai Dam Thing
Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
Does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 4, 2006 9:43:06 GMT
;D Tee hee , this is becoming a good thred now .... How do you know you are leading a sad life ? When a nymphomaniac tells you , " Lets just be friends . " ...... What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection ? An itchy twichy twat ..... What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit ? If we dont get some support soon , people are going to think we are nuts .....What would you get if you crossed an owl with a rooster ? A cock that will stay up all night .... When is a pixie not a pixie ? When hes got his head up a fairys skirt , then hes a goblin . xxx |
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Post by Elle on Jul 4, 2006 20:43:49 GMT
Lol!
1-
So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for 'Viagra'. The guy asks for a large dose of the *strongest* variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks 'why, is your dick in that much pain?', 'no', says the guy, 'it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!'
2-
Q. What's the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves.
3-
Q. Why did God invent yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.
4-
Q. Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A. He came home shit faced.
5-
Q. Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 5, 2006 17:26:11 GMT
Tee hee , ok , there are three guys standing on the top balcony of a 20 story block of flats in America and the first one says to the second one , ' Hey dude , its mental , you know if i were to jump off here theres like a massive suction on the tenth floor and it sucks you right into safety ! " YEAH YEAH , " says the second man , " I dont believe that !" So the first man says , " Ok then , watch this " - With that the first man jumps off and low and behold as he reaches the tenth floor he gets totaly sucked in , thus he returns to the 20th floor in the lift unhurt ! The first man is complealy gob smacked and with a huge smile says to the 1st man and the 3rd man , " Im bloody gonna have a go at that " And with that he leaps off the balcony . ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSPLAT ....... But he falls past the 10th floor and splats on the ground . The 3rd man then turns to the 2nd man and says , " You can be a real fucking bastard sometimes Superman ! xxx ;D
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luther
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by luther on Jul 5, 2006 17:27:16 GMT
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Post by jockrock on Jul 5, 2006 23:46:18 GMT
how does a guy from essex know when his sister is having her period?his dads cock tastes funny
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?? - In the queue at Tesco a busty blonde catches a blokes eye . He cant believe shes looking at him but she waves. He askes do i know you ? She says yes i think your the father of one of my children . He gulps , remembering his one and only act of infidelity then askes , are you that dirty stripper i shagged on the pool table on my stag doo while your mate whipped me and shoved a cucumber up my arse ? .... No , she replies , I'm your sons english teacher ! 
Oh by the way , i hope that your exam results went good . xxx